fighting the cold war

I really can't complain, it hasn't been that bad, not as bad as the last two years.  That doesn't mean that i feel great about winter.  i can't stand winter.  the gray skies, the cold...the COLD....that is what gets me most.

even with gear and layering and more wool than a flock of sheep, it still gets to me, and it brings me down.  not just when i'm on the bike, but all the time.

i went for a brief ride today, had to road ride because of the wet, even though it hasn't rained in two days.   i don't know how people who live in rainy places cope.   i would turn into Jack Nicholson from the Shining.   there was enough cold in the air to make it overall unpleasant.  it was a struggle.  so many people ride to train, and are always training, and love to push themselves and fight.  i ride for fun, because i love to ride.  i still ride in shitty weather, i ride no matter what, but i don't enjoy it as much as when the weather is nice.   no matter how many rule #9 rides i do, i don't feel like a badass and i don't feel like i accomplished anything afterward.

*that was cool, as i sit here, feet freezing, typing, i just got a text saying the dirt is awesome.   looks like tomorrow is gonna be a great, if not cold, day.

anyway,  every year i go through this.  i should just move to Phoenix so i'll be warm all the time. my consolation, the thing i have going for me..... I only have about two and a half weeks left, then i will be down in Arizona, soaking up sunshine and riding red dirt among the pink jeeps and overweight tourists smoking.   we are gonna have a kick ass time, as we always do.

all i have to remember is....it doesn't last too long.  when i get back, it will only be a few more weeks until it warms up and i am back to shorts and short sleeves.

then, in about 11 months, i'll do it again.

i rode a bicycle today

Forty six years ago, some lady from New Jersey lay on a table screaming, and I fell out of her bloody vagina.   Today, i commemorated that event by riding a bicycle, i went for a road ride, because the trails were a bit sketchy with the current weather.   It would have been poetic and right if i had ridden 46 miles, but alas, i only rode 43, because that was how long the ride is.  A beautiful and scenic and fun ride, with more climbing than i would care for, but i seem to keep doing it from time to time,   Thing is, today, it was supposed to be 55 or so degrees, warm for December here in Colorado.  It was, if we were lucky, 40.  when you are screaming downhill at about 30 miles an hour, the wind chill makes it about 25.   our feet were frozen, our legs were cold, i was so cold i wasn't sure i could handle my bike, but i made it back and surprise, there was red velvet cupcakes and proseco at a post ride refresher.   pretty much the BEST RIDE EVER.

here is the thing.   i live in a world, at a time, where i can afford the luxury of RIDING A FUCKING BICYCLE FOR FUN.   i didn't have to do it, i wasn't paid to do it, with the weather as it was, i would have been better not to do it, but I (we) did.    i went and rode my bike today.  that is the apex of what i accomplished.  i didn't make the world better, i didn't help out anyone, i added nothing to society.

i rode my bike and had fun.  i recreated.  because i could.

i didn't have to work in a mine or at sea.  i didn't have to put on a suit and tie and go to board meetings (that accomplish nothing really).  i didn't have to deal with an unpleasant and stressful situation.   i had to deal with cold, and muscles that weren't happy, but that's nothing really.

it's more than a hobby, it's a lifestyle.  it's what we do.  we ride bikes, talk bikes, work with bikes. there is no "biking season" for us, we ride all year long. it's just what we do.  however, it is a lifestyle i chose to live, i make a conscious decision to live this way .  i enjoy it and embrace it but i never ever forget that.....it's just riding a fucking bicycle.  for fun.  that's all it is.   i will not have power or fame or fortune, i will not drive a sexy car, get into an expensive club, or wear $200 jeans.  but i will have a pretty kickass time with friends playing, PLAYING, outside.

i am quite thankful that i can live this way.  i am thankful that i don't care to own a tv, i don't need a new or even a really nice car (bike is worth more than the car, stereotype but true), i don't need so many things many people i see feel they "need."

i am thankful i get to ride a bike and enjoy the simple (sometimes painful, self inflicted more often than not) act of seeing the world around me at 5, 10, 15, 20 miles per hour at a time.   i like to ride bikes and drink booze. i get to do both frequently.

i might die tomorrow, i might die later tonight, i might die many many years from now.  no matter what, i won't take a day for granted, and every time i get to pedal a bicycle, i will recognize it is a privilege, not a right.

i think of some quotes by Epicurus:

Not what we have But what we enjoy, constitutes our abundance.

and also

Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.

i rode a bicycle today.  i hope i can ride one tomorrow.  either way, i'm pretty content.  it all works out, one way or another.