fighting the cold war

I really can't complain, it hasn't been that bad, not as bad as the last two years.  That doesn't mean that i feel great about winter.  i can't stand winter.  the gray skies, the cold...the COLD....that is what gets me most.

even with gear and layering and more wool than a flock of sheep, it still gets to me, and it brings me down.  not just when i'm on the bike, but all the time.

i went for a brief ride today, had to road ride because of the wet, even though it hasn't rained in two days.   i don't know how people who live in rainy places cope.   i would turn into Jack Nicholson from the Shining.   there was enough cold in the air to make it overall unpleasant.  it was a struggle.  so many people ride to train, and are always training, and love to push themselves and fight.  i ride for fun, because i love to ride.  i still ride in shitty weather, i ride no matter what, but i don't enjoy it as much as when the weather is nice.   no matter how many rule #9 rides i do, i don't feel like a badass and i don't feel like i accomplished anything afterward.

*that was cool, as i sit here, feet freezing, typing, i just got a text saying the dirt is awesome.   looks like tomorrow is gonna be a great, if not cold, day.

anyway,  every year i go through this.  i should just move to Phoenix so i'll be warm all the time. my consolation, the thing i have going for me..... I only have about two and a half weeks left, then i will be down in Arizona, soaking up sunshine and riding red dirt among the pink jeeps and overweight tourists smoking.   we are gonna have a kick ass time, as we always do.

all i have to remember is....it doesn't last too long.  when i get back, it will only be a few more weeks until it warms up and i am back to shorts and short sleeves.

then, in about 11 months, i'll do it again.

i rode a bicycle today

Forty six years ago, some lady from New Jersey lay on a table screaming, and I fell out of her bloody vagina.   Today, i commemorated that event by riding a bicycle, i went for a road ride, because the trails were a bit sketchy with the current weather.   It would have been poetic and right if i had ridden 46 miles, but alas, i only rode 43, because that was how long the ride is.  A beautiful and scenic and fun ride, with more climbing than i would care for, but i seem to keep doing it from time to time,   Thing is, today, it was supposed to be 55 or so degrees, warm for December here in Colorado.  It was, if we were lucky, 40.  when you are screaming downhill at about 30 miles an hour, the wind chill makes it about 25.   our feet were frozen, our legs were cold, i was so cold i wasn't sure i could handle my bike, but i made it back and surprise, there was red velvet cupcakes and proseco at a post ride refresher.   pretty much the BEST RIDE EVER.

here is the thing.   i live in a world, at a time, where i can afford the luxury of RIDING A FUCKING BICYCLE FOR FUN.   i didn't have to do it, i wasn't paid to do it, with the weather as it was, i would have been better not to do it, but I (we) did.    i went and rode my bike today.  that is the apex of what i accomplished.  i didn't make the world better, i didn't help out anyone, i added nothing to society.

i rode my bike and had fun.  i recreated.  because i could.

i didn't have to work in a mine or at sea.  i didn't have to put on a suit and tie and go to board meetings (that accomplish nothing really).  i didn't have to deal with an unpleasant and stressful situation.   i had to deal with cold, and muscles that weren't happy, but that's nothing really.

it's more than a hobby, it's a lifestyle.  it's what we do.  we ride bikes, talk bikes, work with bikes. there is no "biking season" for us, we ride all year long. it's just what we do.  however, it is a lifestyle i chose to live, i make a conscious decision to live this way .  i enjoy it and embrace it but i never ever forget that.....it's just riding a fucking bicycle.  for fun.  that's all it is.   i will not have power or fame or fortune, i will not drive a sexy car, get into an expensive club, or wear $200 jeans.  but i will have a pretty kickass time with friends playing, PLAYING, outside.

i am quite thankful that i can live this way.  i am thankful that i don't care to own a tv, i don't need a new or even a really nice car (bike is worth more than the car, stereotype but true), i don't need so many things many people i see feel they "need."

i am thankful i get to ride a bike and enjoy the simple (sometimes painful, self inflicted more often than not) act of seeing the world around me at 5, 10, 15, 20 miles per hour at a time.   i like to ride bikes and drink booze. i get to do both frequently.

i might die tomorrow, i might die later tonight, i might die many many years from now.  no matter what, i won't take a day for granted, and every time i get to pedal a bicycle, i will recognize it is a privilege, not a right.

i think of some quotes by Epicurus:

Not what we have But what we enjoy, constitutes our abundance.

and also

Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.

i rode a bicycle today.  i hope i can ride one tomorrow.  either way, i'm pretty content.  it all works out, one way or another.

Spark by John Twelve Hawks

just finished Spark by John Twelve Hawks.  I liked it.

i had read his whole The Traveler series and really really love it.  i am a sucker for a dystopian, rage against the machine, fuck the man kind of story, and The Traveler  was that and then some.

this book, however, was a bit different.  it still had the "we need to fight for our freedom, the banks and government are controlling us and treating us like sheep" message, but it was wrapped in a cool hitman story.

it was written well, i thought, the action moved along nicely, the story was interesting enough,

i'm not sure it was completely amazing and awesome though.  world class amazing literature?  nope.

it was fluff.  bubblegum.  and i enjoy bubblegum and fluff, so i liked it.  it had some parts that make you think, i had some parts that could make you wonder and perhaps entice you to be just a bit paranoid, but overall.....it was a good  book.  that's it.  not great, not OH MY GOD YOU GOTTA READ THIS, but very fun and enjoyable, if you like that sort of thing.

i like that sort of thing.  not sure i would recommend it to anyone though, unless they are the types of folks to have a few months of beans and rice and powdered water in their basement, and only deal in cash.

good fun story.  glad i read it.  i was entertained.

a great ride

i feel sort of like shit would feel if shit felt like it was coming down with a sickness, and not down with a sickness like Disturbed sang about.   Today the weather was cold and shitty, it was as if nature flipped the "arctic desert" switch.   it was gray and windy and it felt like a landscape i would see Conan the Barbarian riding along in to slay some Frost Giants.

so we decided to ride.   possibly not the best idea.

the thing is...even though i felt crappy, i rode really really well.  i think it was the magical bike, which i am still madly in love with.  i climbed super strong, and rode better than i have ridden in a while, all the time hacking and coughing and feeling like i am coming down with the 24 hour Ebola.

as i followed Captain Lowballs up a steep rocky hill, on his tail even though he usually drops me like 3rd grade Calculus, i had a strange thought....what if climbing is my strength?  what if i'm built to be a climber?  i fucking HATE climbing.   how ironic would that be?  my strength is something i avoid at all times and despise, yet i'm really really good at it.   i have tried countless times to trick myself into liking climbing.  I have played endless games with my mind.  i honestly thought about going to a hypnotist to hypnotize me into enjoying riding a bike uphill.  

god, what a hilarious joke on me that would be.

no matter, i will drink a hot tea with honey, lemon, and whiskey in it and go to sleep and hopefully sweat out whatever is coming on.   i hope i'm not sick, we have a shop ride next week that should be super awesome and i don't want to miss it.

i love my bike and had a great day on it despite feeling like crap.  now i sleep.

i'm in love again

i got a new bike.   i got the Ibis Mojo HD-R and i fucking love love love LOVE it.  it fits me so well, feels amazing, does everything amazing and makes me a better rider.   i had liked my Santa Cruz Solo, but i was never emotionally attached to it.   Santa Cruz sent it to me and charged my card, so i sort of "had" to have it, and i'm glad i did, it turned out to be a better bike than i expected.  i really enjoyed it and felt kind of bad after i sold it.

but at that time, i got sick of biking.  i didn't want to ride a mountain bike anymore, i was burnt out.  then i got this Mojo and holy fucking shit i love riding again.  the bike makes me want to ride.  and when i do ride, i ride better than i had before.    The Ibis makes me feel the way i felt with my Rocky Mountain Slayer.  i still love my Slayer, but this Ibis has my full attention right now.

i don't know if i just have "new bike syndrome" or if this feeling will wear off in a week or two, but right now, i'm in the honeymoon stage and i don't want to leave.  i am madly in love with my bike and with riding again.

Thank you Ibis for making a bike that was made for me.

I LOVE MY BIKE.

are product reviews worth it?

how can i trust reviews of things?  if it's a magazine or popular website, there are advertisers paying money to keep that magazine or website running.  people are often stoooopid with four Os but they aren't going to say "This topcap is the shittiest topcap we've ever seen and breaks all the time and has to be warrantied constantly" when that topcap company is buying adds.  Hence why there were no bad reviews of the Crank Bros Kronolog.  Emphasis on the LOG.

so i can read reviews by regular joes on forums or their blogs.   but does that guy know what he's talking about?  is he a guy who rides a bike two or three times a week for six months out of the year? does he know how to ride a bike and what to look for and how something should feel?  is he reviewing a 160mm bike that he only rides on fire roads and his local trail which is slightly less gnarly than a road in afghanistan (which can be pretty fucking gnarly)?   a guy says he's never had a problem with his dropper post, how many hours and under what conditions has he ridden it?

then there is confirmation bias.   how objective can someone be after they've spent a whole bunch of money on something and know they are stuck with it?

so many factors are involved in the reviewer.  is he motivated by money, or loyalty, or friendship?  let's say he is completely unbiased....then there is the knowledge and ability of the rider, the type of rider he is,

most stuff today is pretty darn good, there aren't that many crappy products out there.   i can find so many bad reviews of stuff i love and use daily.  i can find great reviews on products that i think are complete shit, or i know fail with consistency.    other than my own experience, and the guys i work with who i trust and know, whose reviews can i trust?

Mountain Biking isn't for everyone

After reading Access Action piece in Dirt Rag #167, I thought about it for quite some time. I learned from it, Mr. Maguire made some excellent points, and I realized some things I hadn't thought about before. However, I have to disagree with what I perceive was the intent of the piece, which is the defense of making easier trails. The part that really bothered me was:



On page 68, 2^nd paragraph, He says “But according to a 2010 National Sporting Goods Association survey, more than half of those people fall into the “occasional rider” category, meaning they only get out 6-24 times a year.”



Mr. Maguire then goes on to say “If we want more trails, then we need more riders. And if we want more riders, then trails, or at least new trails, need to be less about penalties for failure and more about guaranteed fun.”



These statements really bothered me, I believe this kind of thinking is incorrect and ultimately weakens and hurts the sport overall.



First off...if more than half of the people who rode last year only get out 6-24 times a year, why should they dictate and guide what our trails are like? Why should those of us who ride almost daily all year long have to ride trails meant for someone who gets out maybe once a month? Those of us who ride almost daily all year long are the ones who actually maintain and care for the trails, the stewards of the trails that the “occasional rider” come to enjoy (and sometimes ruin due to lack of skill), and you propose we cater to them?



There are no other sports, hobbies, or interests that would do that.



(want to talk about the business side of it? How much money does the occasional rider pump into the industry? Mr. “I rode my bike twenty times this year!” doesn't ride enough to need new brake pads, much less buy a new bike or upgrade what he has, but that is another conversation.)



The claim “If we want more trails, then we need more riders,” is a convincing battle cry, but is just not true, it's a logical fallacy. One is not conditional upon the other. The amount of trails are not directly proportional to the amount of riders. Also, the claim “if we want more riders, then trails, or at least new trails, need to be less about penalties for failure and more about guaranteed fun,” while sounding plausible, also just isn't true. Another logical fallacy.



I am not saying make mountain biking an elitist, locals only, closed sport. Not at all. Instead of lowering the bar and making trails super easy, and boring, to attract and accommodate people who may ride their bike ten times a year and don't really care one way or another, and have no real interest in it, what if trails were not dumbed down, and people had to rise to the challenge? Then you can weed out the “tourists,” those who dabble and don't have respect for the trails, those who ride off trails, cause damage, and sanitize trails. Then, those who truly like mountain biking will stay with it. You would then end up with a higher caliber of rider, and more people who actually care about the land and the trails, and people who will take better care of what we have.



Again, I'm not trying to be an elitist, I just don't subscribe to the entitlement attitude that seems pervasive nowadays, where everyone is entitled to everything, and it's their “right” to be allowed to do things they aren't capable of just because “they want to.” There are many things I would love to do, but I know my limits and I know I don't care enough to put the time and effort into learning to do them, so I don't, and I don't complain about standards being too high for me.



When I first started mountain biking back in 1994, I was the occasional once a week, once every other week rider, I was the guy you are trying to attract and appease. The trails were difficult for me. I fell and walked more than rode, but it was fun, it was something I wanted to do, and I kept coming back to ride and learn and improve. I didn't complain that the trails were too difficult, I got better to ride the trails. I did have friends who tried riding with me, it was too difficult for them and they didn't like biking enough to pursue, so they went on and did other things. No hard feelings on anyone's side. I know for a fact I am not the only one with that story, and now we are the ones who ride all the time and are quite active in trail access action. Imagine that, harder trails made people appreciate what they have and made a group of people who actually care about the sport.



Also, I am not saying every trail needs to be a super difficult techy “double black diamond” (as I hear the occasional rider call them, because they know the term from skiing, not cycling). We have one of the easiest and simultaneously most fun trails I have ever seen. I have seen kids on Striders riding it as well as guys on six plus inch travel bikes, and everyone enjoys it. Trails can be both fun and easy, but there is no need to make all new trails “accessible for everyone.” How does the occasional rider improve? How do they learn to huck, or do step-ups, or gap, or whatever, if they don't have the trails to learn them on? What if you put the occasional drop or obstacle on a “easy” trail? People who can't ride it can dismount, walk the six steps past it, and keep on riding. They can then either 1) learn the skills to ride it and improve and get more joy out of riding or 2) just keep walking over/around the obstacle, and know they are in a sport that requires that. If it makes them stop riding, then perhaps they were never really into mountain biking to begin with, and perhaps it's best for everyone involved.



I guess I just default to the philosophy of you have to put forth some effort to get a reward, and anything easily gained is not appreciated or worth it. That is how I feel about your sentiments towards trails and trail building. Making trails easy so they are accessible to everyone, making them easy to pander to people who wouldn't otherwise ride a mountain bike attracts and creates riders who don't appreciate the trails, take the trails for granted, and don't really care about them. How many occasional riders are doing trail maintenance, or work for trail advocacy? They ride six times a year, how invested are they really? And you are worried about scaring them off with difficult trails?



What if the easy trails are what's keeping many riders from getting into the sport? What if people want a challenge, but they ride a boring trail and it turns them off? What if a more difficult challenging trail is what would spark their interest and keep them coming back for more, much like it did me and others I know? Is there a chance you have it backward?
Do you honestly want to see hundreds of people who don't have the skills to keep their bike on a trail crowding and damaging existing trails so you can build more lackluster milquetoast trails for those hoards to ruin? I would rather see a lower number of cyclists who are skilled and who actually care about mountain biking and trails than a higher number of people who have a mountain bike and ride it sometimes. I would also rather have ten fun trails that are worth riding than fifty boring soulless trails that aren't worth one pedal stroke.
How about this - Mountain Biking ISN'T for everyone. And that is Ok, there is nothing wrong with that. People can try it, and if they don't like it, no harm, no foul. Pandering to them in hopes of getting them to like it just seems sad and pathetic. By all means, build easy fun trails for those who want and enjoy them. But build challenging fun trails, and don't be afraid to put a drop or ledge or step up or some challenging obstacle in an “easy” trail to give it spice, and add something interesting to it. Just do not make all the trails easy, and don't take a fun trail and make it “accessible” for the person who will ride it once.

Trails should be fun.  Make trails too easy and they aren't fun.  Give people more credit, build fun trails, let people rise to the challenge.  

The Group Ride

fuck, i just don't know.  perhaps i'm becoming the grouchy old guy, perhaps it's not just me, i'm having problems with group rides.

i don't always like to ride alone, i prefer to ride with others, to me, mountain biking is a social event.  tonight, however, i pulled a Cartman, said "screw you guys i'm going home" and left.

The energy of the group was just too much for me.  It was an after work ride, i was a bit tired, but i was looking forward to the ride.  There would have been four of us, but then one guy's wife showed up, and another dude showed up, and usually it would be awesome, however, the guy's wife was wired like a poodle and people were feeding off each other's weird energy and it just became irritating and annoying.

so we started off on the ride, going up a hill on singletrack, the guy's wife said something to the other dude who showed up and he stopped short and took off, causing everyone to stop, then start again, i was at the tail and there was the accordion effect.  so i'm riding, have to stop, then have to sprint to catch up, then i have to stop, spring to catch up, and this repeated about three times until i said fuck it, turned around, and left.   Granted i wasn't in a great mood when we started the ride either, anticipating shit like this.

Whenever there is a large group, people seem to need to compete and a fun after work ride becomes some "i will rip your legs off" race to show who is the dominant monkey in the jungle with the biggest dick.  I personally don't give a fuck, i just want to ride and have a good time.   perhaps they are having a good time doing that, i am not, i don't want to be part of it.

so i left.  i really don't like the after work group rides much anymore.  we have to wait for people who knew we were riding, but now have to "get ready," then we have to rush, and it's a gigantic clusterfuck.

and now i feel like i sort of got robbed a ride.  i also feel a bit upset at myself, i should have just let it go and pedaled and had fun on the bike, which i wasn't, and i think it's because i didn't want to ride there with those folks at that time.    The problem is...i don't much like ANY group rides anymore.

meh, i'm just being a whiny bitch, and i think i'm just tired.  it's my friday, i should relax, which i'm about to do.

i need to learn to enjoy group rides again.  or i need to find a group i enjoy riding with.  one of these things must happen.

Just ride the damn bike

"So is this an all mountain bike, or a trail bike, is it more enduro or more cross country?"   I am really getting sick of these questions.  

 What the fuck is a "Trail Bike?"  Wouldn't that be a bike you ride on trails? Aren't all mountain bikes "Trail Bikes" by their nature?  

I'm not gonna ride ALL the mountain, can i get a "most of the mountain" bike? 

Enduro is riding a bike up a hill, and then riding down the hill as fast as you can, which sounds like every bike ride just about every person has done since they've been riding bicycles.

Seriously, stop it. The industry, the magazines, all the forums, are filled with people trying to categorize, and sub categorize, down to genus and species, each goddamn bicycle out there. It's a fucking bicycle.  Ride it.  ride it up the hill, across the hill, and down the hill.  

Average Joe Consumer thinks there is a difference, and as a human, is subject to the human weakness of not wanting to be "behind" or "left out," he wants to be most informed to make the best purchasing decisions. He thinks it matters if the wheel size is one inch larger in diameter, or if the travel is 10 millimeters longer or shorter.  Average Joe Consumer thinks he now needs a bike to climb, then a different bike to ride across the trail, then a third bike to descend.   He thinks "Enduro" is something different than what he's already doing.  

My friend rides his 33 pound 160mm travel bike up a hill, and then down, on the same rides our other friend rides his 27 pound 130mm travel bike, and we all ride together and all have the same amount of fun.  

I know a lady who did the Leadville 100, finished 9th.  She did it on a 26" wheeled bike with flat pedals.  It's the motor, not the bike.  Strong legs and lungs will beat out most technological advantages.  

It's insidious.  The industry knows most people can't have fun doing what they've been doing if they think there is "something better" out there, if there is some advantage that makes climbing easier or bike handling better.  Average Joe Consumer can ride his bike for months and have a great time, but as soon as he hears enough people saying X is better, he starts to doubt his fun, and thinks he needs X.  

Some bikes are better equipped to do certain things better.  I wouldn't ride a hardtail down Porcupine Rim (although i've seen it done), I wouldn't ride a Santa Cruz Superlight 29er downhill in Whistler, and I wouldn't ride a Giant Reign in Bend Oregon.  I wouldn't do any of those things, but they can be done, and have, and it's ok.  

Stop worrying about what kind of bike it is.  Know what you want and need in a bike, find the bike that fits you best and meets your criteria (how much travel, slack or steep geometry, etc) and that is the bike for you.  If you ride it downhill, it's your downhill bike.  If you ride it cross country, it's your cross country bike, and if 

an epic day on Monarch Crest

Captain Lowballs asks if i wanna ride Monarch Crest in Salida.  I stupidly say yes.
Here's the thing about Captain Lowballs:  every ride is a training ride.  To me, mountain biking is about riding, talking, drinking, spending time on your bike with friends, hanging out.  It's a social event on wheels involving sketchy trails and booze.   I know better.  In the past, i've secretly vowed to myself to NEVER EVER AGAIN ride with the good Captain.  And every goddamn time he asks "hey, wanna go ride?" i say "yeah, that would be great!"   I deserve what i get.  like i said, i know better.

We get to Salida, there is a threat of rain, as there usually is.  Turns out, the whole day we had great weather.  We had the trail to ourselves.

He set the pace and we were off.  I hung in there for a good portion of the day, until we sort of took a wrong turn.  It was totally my fault.  I wanted to descend Starvation Creek, he had planned to come down Silver Creek and finish with the Rainbow Trail.   It was his ride, i should have shut my fucking pie hole, but i whined and complained and made him question himself, we took a wrong turn, sort of got lost, pissed him off, and we did indeed end up coming down Starvation Creek, which is a cool fun descent.  We got to the bottom, he was pissed and we were gonna climb back up so we can finish on Rainbow Trail.  I was in no shape, he took off, I lamely followed.

I never caught him, my legs were starting to cramp, i was done, so i decided to turn back and head back to the car and hopefully meet up with him.

Being the directionally challenged idiot that i am, i got lost, had to turn back once or twice, and finally found my way to the highway, headed back to the car.

Got back to the car, the Captain was already there, had just arrived, turns out he was behind me, then in front of me when i took that wrong turn and i was behind him.

I apologized, and made up for it by buying the burgers and beer.  at the end of the day we had a good day, and he still talks to me.

A bit more epic than expected, but a damn good ride.  I swear i will never ever ride with him again, until next time....

my failed S24O

got me a brand new lightweight sleeping pad today, all ready for tonight's adventure.  i was gonna do a sub 24 hour overnight trip, where i bike out to a spot, camp overnight, wake up, and bike back home.  all the cool kids are doing it, i figured i should too, even though i'm about as cool as a blacksmith's furnace.

i packed my bag with the bare essentials, made sure the bike was good, and i was ready to go.

all i had to do was bike about nine miles, mostly road, get to the spot i previously reconnoitered,  and sleep under the stars.  i would wake up tomorrow, bike back into town, and it would have been glorious.

nature gave me a big fat NOPE.  i pedaled out, it was a bit windy, the sky looked threatening, but not too bad.  as i got closer to my destination, the wind picked up and the sky looked worse.  i couldn't really tell if it was raining where i was going (it wasn't supposed to rain) or if was just dust and dirt being kicked up.

flags i passed were straight out.  at one point, i had to fight to keep my bicycle upright, much less going forward.  the wind all but stopped me in my tracks, nature putting it's invisible hand against my chest, with a "you shall not pass" whispering in my ear.

i am not a smart man, but i can eventually take a hint, and i have nothing to prove.  i have spent many days and nights doing various sufferfest things.  sometimes i feel like Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon.  I'm getting too old for this shit.

i turned around, pedaled home, and my cool overnight adventure amounted to a 45 minute road ride on a full suspension bike with a backpack on.

i can't go tomorrow cause i have to work on saturday.  so it will have to wait for another day.

hopefully soon.

until then....fuck you nature.  i don't know why you gotta be like that.

moments of zen

after a night of beer and cookies (and wine and other stuff) i woke up this morning slightly less energetic than i needed to be.  no matter, bacon and eggs fix a lot of things.

i had planned on getting on the trail by 7:30 am.  i had planned on 35 miles, about six hours of riding.  everyone knows about "the best laid plans of mice and men."  there wasn't any grief, but there was a bit of pain.  also, i was a superhero to three people.  i saved lives today.

on the trail by 8:45.  the first bit, which usually takes me about three hours, only took me about two, two and a half.   i started wondering if this is what being fit feels like.  you can ride, and you aren't tired at the spots you usually are.  you have strength and energy, and it wasn't a lot of effort.   perhaps i was just too hungover to notice.  the weather was cooperating fully with me.  it was cool, almost cold, it started to get windy, but the wind was just there to cool me down,it wasn't nature's bully there to push me around and hinder forward momentum.   at one point i was wondering if it was a dream, i was riding so well.  the "worst climb in the universe" wasn't all that bad, and the descent to the halfway point was excellent.  i was feeling great.

here's the thing.  throughout the day, i had these....moments of zen.  i tried to, at least.  i wasn't thinking, there was no "me" and no "bike" and no "trail."  there was mebiketrail.  i cannot say it was exciting, or happy, or anything.  it just....was.  in retrospect, it was cool and awesome, but at the time, in the moment, it just.....was.
at the halfway point i refilled my water, drank some coconut water, and had a bit or two, not a whole thing, of Cliff Bar.

then came the most difficult trail on the list.  it is arduous, onerous, strenuous, and almost prohibitive.  i've done it a few times, more than a few times really, but i usually start with it, or just do it alone.  i have never ridden it after about two and a half hours of already riding somewhat technical trail.

i have to say, it was a pleasant hike with my bicycle.  the problem is, my legs started to cramp.  this got me thinking, i'm usually ok, and then, following the "eat before you are hungry" rule, i eat something, and then i start to bonk.  what the ever living fuck is that about???  i was pissed at myself for eating two goddamn bites of a Cliff Bar.  i didn't want it, but i ate it, and then my legs started getting weird.  

the weather was still in full cooperation, i pedaled, walked, pedaled, walked, pedaled until i was done with the trail, i decided to cut the ride short and skip at least one, maybe both of the final two trails that would complete the whole ride.  i just had to ride a few more miles back to the car.  my legs felt like they were about done.

i pedaled easy and argued with myself if i should do the last trail or just go to my car.  about 100 yards before the final decision to ride trail or head back to the car (both actually being about the same distance) i met an older couple.  they were walking some moderately techy parts.  they were on hardtails.   they told me they were going to go back on the trail i had just done.  i told them no, that was not for them, and suggested the final trail that i was going to do.   they don't know it, but i saved their life.

had they taken the trail they wanted, they would have finished, at best, with a huge fight and possible divorce, and at worst, it would have been a survival/rescue mission.  they were in no way equipped, either with gear, skills, or fitness, to do what they had planned.  they were cool about it too and i hope they had a great time.  two people rescued.

then at the decision point, i met a lady with a flat, we tried to fix it, no dice.  i told her my car was just over yonder, i would take her to her truck at the main parking lot.  since i would have had to wait for her, i just rode the last trail, it was great, i was super proud of myself.  i got to the car and helped the lady she was my third rescue of the day.

at the end of the day, i rode (and walked) about 25 miles, in about four and a half hours.   the really neat thing about it all was, if i hadn't decided to cut it short when i did and head back, there would be two possibly dead people on the top of a mountain, and a lady would have had a shitty walk back to her car.

it all worked out, and i had a kick ass day.

then i came home, took a shower, and collapsed into a pleasant coma.  great day overall.

i love bicycles.  they make great things happen.

adventure!!!

we knew the trail existed, we just didn't know where it was.  there is nothing online, nothing on google maps, it's all word of mouth, sort of like that island in The Beach by Alex Garland, later turned into a pretty good movie with Leo Dicaprio.

"hey, let's go ride tomorrow" i said to my friend Mr. James.  he was leery, having gone on "adventure" rides with me, searching for trails that were supposed to be kick ass and often were just a horrible slogfest.  I couldn't blame him.  then another friend showed him pictures and Mr. James was all in like a poker player with an ace high straight flush.   we just had to find it.

overall it went ok.  two wrong turns, only a little bit of extra driving, then we found the road, some markings, and what we believed was a trail.  did some quick foot recon, and yes indeed it was a trail.  boy howdy.

we hopped on the bikes and took off, not really sure where we were going, or for how long.  People ride bikes for all sorts of different reasons.  to me, in my opinion, the least noble of the reasons to ride a bike is Fitness.  if you want fitness, go to a gym, run, lift weights.  sure you can include cycling, but at least make it road riding.  guys who mountain bike for fitness have no soul and usually are kind of assholes.  they don't have skills or techniques, they don't want to explore or have fun, all they care about is a workout.  fuck that. why would you take something fun and playful and ruin it like that?

we were in it for the fun and exploration.  sure, fitness is a great byproduct, but it's not the main goal.

the trail was strange, different, odd.  it was flowy in a weird sort of way, short punchy ups, odd rocky bits, lots of pedaling.  it was slow, not overly techy, but you were up and moving a lot.  the views were fuckin incredible.  it was crazy that we have that so damn close to home.

we came out of the trail, then had to get back.  we did some bushwhacking and hiking, but we soon found the trail and headed in what we thought was the right direction, and lo, about 45 minutes later, we were back at the car.   we were both tired, even though it didn't feel like we rode far.  it was hot, we did cover some distance.  it was fun.

we found the trail, it was totally worth it, we will someday go back and explore some more.

another great day on a bike.  thank you bike for showing me cool places and giving me such enjoyment.

Velocifer, perhaps a new American God?

went for a pretty great ride last night, the weather was absolutely perfect, and, for some reason (i am in no way complaining) my legs were strong, i rode like a fucking lion last night.   along the way i started thinking of the God of Cycling.

I recently finished Neil Gaiman's American Gods and it was a fantastic book, i loved it and wished there were more like it.  I had read Douglas Adams' long dark teatime of the soul about Odin and the old gods that people stopped believing in, and that is where i got the tip about American Gods, which is quite similar in some ways.    the book talks about how the old gods were brought over to america and now, since no one believes in them, they just sort of wander around.  gods apparently are brought into existence through belief, and if you believe in something strong enough, it manifests, it takes hold, it becomes real.   it is such a well written and interesting story, it has lots of little things that make you think about the world around you and look at the world in a different way.  i like when a book does that.  i really really would recommend this book to most people, not all, it's not for everyone, but most, especially anyone with an open mind.   there is a great scene in the book where Odin talks to a waitress, she tells him she is Pagan, he asks who she worships, and how, and she spouts out dumb tripe which means nothing, and i can picture it in my head.  lots of good stuff in that book.

so, last night, pedaling up a hill and feeling rather good about it, i thought about the god of cycling, if there is one, or should i create one?  the name that came first to me was Velocifer.   this morning i googled it, the name is around, but doesn't seem to be a god of cycling at all.  so there is that...

i thought about how i would manifest this god, or, what would make this god grant favor on me, give me strong legs, keep me safe, etc?  of course a sacrifice is expected, and the obvious sacrifice would be blood, followed by beer, or alcohol, and then, just to make it specific, perhaps chain lube.

Blood is easy, i usually leave a bit here and there on the rocks.   the alcohol? no worries, tipping a bit out, not for my lost homies, but for my new god, is pretty easy.  and chain lube? same thing.

how would i go about worshiping this new god?   i do it almost every damn day, every time my legs are pushing pedals.  for all i know, between the spilled beer and blood i've left behind, he already exists.

and if he does exist, he seemed mighty pleased last night.  and i give him thanks.  

mountain biking far from the edge

Last night I watched the documentary  Dogtown and Z-Boys, about the birth of skateboarding as we know it today.  I have also watched Bones Brigade: An Autobiography.  Both of those movies showed the passion, the attitude, and the altheltecism combined with art, all the things that make skateboarding more than just riding a skateboard, and both of those movies struck me and inspired me, and got me thinking about the current state of mountain biking.
Perhaps  mountain biking was never about attitude, perhaps it was all just a bunch of hippies riding bikes in the mountains to get high among pretty flowers, but then i think of the movie Kranked and others like it, i think if Brett Tippie, Wade Simmons, and Richie Schley pretty much inventing free riding, and i think of the attitude, and i wonder what the fuck happened?
Mountain biking has seemed, to me, to have lost it's edge.  It's gone from the exploration and a bunch of guys riding bikes and getting rowdy and having fun to a bunch of roadies on dirt, making sure the trails are smooth so their STRAVA times are good, they are strong but have no skills, they can get up the mountain but don't like coming down the mountain.
It feels like mountain biking has lost it's edge, and it's balls.  There is still Crankworkx and people like Kerry McGarry doing ridiculous backflips over huge gaps, and i'm thankful for that, but mountain biking feels like it's losing it's soul.
We need a group of guys to inject some life and spirit into mountain biking, we need a mountain biking version of the Bones Brigade, guys (and gals) who just want to party, get rowdy, and express themselves artistically and soulfully and aggressively by riding their bikes with style.
I don't even know if it's possible, perhaps i'm the only one who thinks like this, and i doubt it will ever happen, i don't expect it to.
I just don't want to see the freewheeling cool spirit of mountain biking (assuming there was one in the first place) to get killed off by lycra and heart rate monitors.

JRA

so yesterday i got to ride a Diamond Back Mission Pro.  it was good, really good.  it climbed like crazy, and handled really well.  and yet, i didn't like how it felt.  perhaps i had the rebound set too high, it almost felt like a hardtail, even though i used almost all of the 160mm of travel.  it felt rickety, like it was gonna fall apart, i felt the rocks and bumps a bit more than i should have for a 160mm 27.5" wheeled $6,000 bike.
but i rode it and i had a great day because i was out riding a bike.

had a pretty decent day at work, ate waaaaaay too much, then this evening went for a ride on the Solo.  the weather was absolutely perfect, could not have been better.  had a pretty kick ass ride and i felt pretty good despite being super tired and not really wanting to ride.

tomorrow we are going down to moab to ride the majority of the enchilada, not the whole enchilada, but the majority of it.  we are gonna start at hazard, and pretty much do hazard down.  I shall ride the Slayer, and by Odin's good eye it will be awesome.  afterwords we may bar-b-q, we may eat at milts, we may eat elsewhere, or we may just come home and eat and drink and party like it's on sale for 19.99.  no matter what, we are gonna ride bikes and have a kick ass time.

and so...yeah, that's what's been up lately.

Trip Report: Vernal, UT

there was nothing to do, so i was just standing around, doing it with everything i got, when Captain Lowballs comes up and says to me "hey, wanna go camp and ride in Vernal?"    i've been to Vernal once, about two years ago, didn't have the super best time, but currently, as i type this, McCoy Flats, a trail system, is scheduled to become a highway for the oil and gas trucks to transport much needed oil and gas to the trucks who use oil and gas.  So i thought it would be a great idea to ride that Dodo before it became totally extinct and was just pictures and memories.  I gave Captain Lowballs a resounding FUCK YEAH and 48 hours later, the adventure began.

we packed up and headed out bright and early.  we were told to check out Mccoy Flats, Red Fleet, and perhaps the Flaming Gorge.  the drive up was good, we went through the town of Rangley, Colorado (should be called Strangely, it was.....strange...).   i had done some internet research but thought it best to stop by the local bike shop and get the skinny on the fat tire goodness.  we went to Altitude cycles, right there on the main drag, got a map, and asked for recommendations on where to eat lunch.  This was the key moment in our trip.  The super friendly helpful girl who does not ride a bike but works there at the bike shop suggested we eat at the Vernal Brewing Company, conveniently located behind the shop.
HO...LEE....SHIT!!!  it turns out there are actual chefs from 5 star restaurants working there and putting out solidly amazing food.   we never made it to the Flaming Gorge, but at this restaurant, we did see the Flaming Paul.   he was perhaps the best waiter we've ever seen, and oh boy was he gay.  for lunch i enjoyed a delicious loco moco, the Captain had a kick ass beet salad and "hand pies," which for lack of a better term were little empanadas, meat stuffed dough.  the food blew our minds and tastebuds.  then it was time to ride.
we said adeiu to our prancing waiter and headed out.

speaking of gay, the sinks in the men's bathroom were the gayest thing i've ever seen.  the faucet where the water comes out resembles a piece of sliced bamboo.  after about five minutes of waving my hands around, looking for pedals on the ground, and looking like a shitty interpretive dancer as i tried desperately to get water to come out of the fucking faucet, one of the staff entered the bathroom and i asked him what the deal was.  he said you had to slide your hand under the length of shaft of the faucet, which i did and water poured out.  so i pretty much had to jerk off the faucet until it came water into my hand.  soooooo gay.

anyway, after lunch we went to mccoy flats and headed out for a ride.  Great place, lots of signage, fun singletrack trails.   the wind was blowing at a blustery 25 to 35 mph, making it pretty fucking shitty.  we went out, i started getting pissed at nature, we went back to the car to sit and rest.   then we tried another loop, climbed what felt like forever, against the wind, descended some super fast fun trail, again, against the wind, and i was done for the day.  back at the parking lot Captain Lowballs started talking to a group of local chicks who had just arrived, he asked if he could go ride with them, he took off, i sat at the truck reading a book and fell asleep.  it was pretty wonderful really.    I probably would have loved Mccoy Flats if it wasn't so goddamn windy.  there was a lot more to ride.

The singletrack is indeed single, more single than a 35 year old man living with his mom and some cats. Mccoy flats wasn't really techy, it was a lot like 18 rd in Fruita, or at least the way 18 rd used to be before it became popular and the trails widened from so many people riding off the trail.   the way it looks, Mccoy flats won't have that problem, it will be gone before it becomes a popular kick ass riding destination.  

Captain lowballs returned from his estrogen ride, we decided to eat dinner and set up camp at Red Fleet.  for dinner, we went back to the Vernal Brewing Company, saw Flaming Paul again, and had a super amazing dinner.  I had the chicken and waffles, Captain Lowballs had the burger, and we both had culinary orgasms. Paul regaled us with stories of straight dudes hitting on him, told us about the restaurant itself, and was overall pretty badass.   i know it was a biking trip, but that restaurant was so damn good i can't not think about it.

we found the trail head and set up camp about 20 yards from it as the sun went down.  we made a fire and enjoyed some shitty 3.2 beer we bought at the 7-11 (note: bring own beer to utah) relaxed, and soaked in our complete contentment.

after a spotty night of sleep despite being totally tired and the weather being perfect, we woke up and went for a ride. The trails out at Red Fleet are magical.  there were loooooong stretches where i didn't pedal, my bike was just propelled forward, even up hills, without me needing to pedal.  Again, the single track was indeed single, barely wider than my tires in some spots, and the scenery was flat out beautiful.  I wish i had taken some pictures, but i was too busy piloting my bicycle and grinning to stop and get some happy snaps.  besides, there is no way i could capture how cool it was, any picture i take would have been lame.  after an hour of some more flowy fun fast awesome trails,  we packed up, ate at Betty's, a greasy spoon, (we both wanted to go back to the Vernal Brewing Company, but we didn't) and headed back home, where i desperately tried to stay awake for the duration of the drive back.

Vernal has some crazy beautiful riding, it's not too bad a town, despite being in Utah, and they have a ridiculously out of place amazing restaurant with kick ass food that isn't ridiculously expensive.  Camping is free and easy, there are more trails than we had time for, and i'm super glad I went.

I would totally go back, and i'm gonna.  I just want to make sure it isn't so goddamn windy.

overall, a pretty great time.  another successful mountain biking road trip in the books.

i wanna make this a bumper sticker.

sitting around with friends, eating sushi, slightly altered, we got to talking.   There was a small group of people behind us who were tri-athletes, two of them had come into the shop today, one with a road bike trying to be tri, one with a tri bike trying to be a roadie.  

so we commenced mocking them.  choose something and be good at it, don't choose three things and be mediocre at all three.

anyway, i came up with this cool slogan, and then i came home and made it.  now i just have to actually pay money and make it into an actual sticker.

yeah...my work here is done....

rain

so fucking drunk as i type this.

rode in the rain today, on many occasions.  first was this morning to work, which sucked more balls than Sylvia Saint, Rachel Starr, and Susie Diamond combined.   i felt like i had a wet diaper for most of the day.  took an old plastic milk jug and made the most ghetto fender ever, which worked like a fuckin dream!

got home, put on dry clothes, suited up in the "fuck you typhoon, you can't get me" suit, and rode to my friend's house a few miles away for his birthday party, where i ate cake and drank more alcohol thank i should have.  suited up and rode home, and here i am.

here is the thing about rain.  fuck rain.  yeah, i could ride in it, i could be a hard ass. but why?  i'm not training, i'm not racing.  and i have to clean the shit out of my bike afterward.  fuck extra work.

today i rode the fixed gear.  no brakes, no gears, nothing to fuck with. i have to oil my chain tomorrow. no biggie.  if i were to ride my carbon road bike, sure, i might have increased my endurance by .00000000001%, but it would all be lost on the anger and alcohol it took to clean and wash and dry and lube my bike afterward.  fuck that.

i really enjoyed riding tonight.  ensconced in waterproof gear, with plastic grocery bags on my feet keeping my sneakers dry, i was impervious to the elements.  i scoffed at them, i thumbed my nose at them, i gave mother nature the finger and smiled the whole time.  it was wonderful.  also, as stated, i'm drunk, which only enhances my jovial mood.

thing is....no reason to ride in the rain unless you are A: sponsored and training to win because that is your paycheck or B: bundled up and going to a party.

i'm just not the hardass i'l like to be.  and that is ok with me.

i just really like riding bikes.

let's go

I haven't blogged in ages, think i'll start again......